There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
