This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
