I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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