Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
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