Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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