True but thats because hes a fetus.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Randomize
