I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
