Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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