I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
