Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
