There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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