my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
