so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
