if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
