we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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