I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Randomize
