our cab driver is having phone sex.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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