Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
