Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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