So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
