if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
