he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
