Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
