Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
