just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
