It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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