Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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