I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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