i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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