she was so not down for the gang bang
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
