Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
