I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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