Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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