Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
