Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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