I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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