I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
