I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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