You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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