I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
