the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
