Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Randomize
