My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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