I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
