watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
