i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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