is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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