I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
and you fell through a lawn chair
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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