put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
