No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I haven't been this sober since birth.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
