In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
