Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I need a burrito and a hug.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
