My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
