They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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